I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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