covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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