i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
