the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
