We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
