well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
