what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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