This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
