girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
