I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
