I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
