he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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