I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
