MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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