dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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