i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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