i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
