oh god the rape fog is back!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
