Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
