3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it glows. i had to have it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
