My sheets look like a crime scene.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
