Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
