She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
