I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
