So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I AM VODKA MAN
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
