oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
