I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
