She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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