I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
