dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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