shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
