Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
