I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
