Umm I'm too high to move.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
