Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
