So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she peed on how many people?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Randomize
