So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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