I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
All I want is dick and wine.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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