Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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