So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
