That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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