where am i from again
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
