a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
