I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
