OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
