You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
