He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
