Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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