If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
