i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
