How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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