Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
