so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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