The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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