I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
