just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
