i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
