You really coming over, don't trick.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
