you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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