I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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