I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
