elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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