i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
